A compassionate response

6 Jul

Intuitively responding in a gentle, kind, and loving way, when my child is in big overwhelm took me some practice. In Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne calls it Soul Fever and it can sometimes feel all very overwhelming for yourself as the parent navigating the space when your child’s behaviour triggers your own soul fevered response. Just think of soul fever being like a physical fever, but of the emotional variety. What I know about soul fever is that it is contagious, especially if you have not had time to fill your own cup with some you-space, you might be parenting solo or navigating the demands of working life and parenting.

The next time your dear one is in acute soul fever, simply holding the space for their big voices and flailing limbs to ease and doing this with very little language is all that is needed for balance to be restored. Gently acknowledging whatever it is that brought about the response is hard or frustrating, infuriating, or maybe it’s sad, is all that it takes for the young child to feel seen and heard. “I know you wanted the biscuit, and it’s nearly dinner time. You’re upset about that.”

Being the parent in a calm, stable ‘I got this’ way, helps to let your child know even though it is really hard, it’s ok. In me you can trust is the idea here. It is so important that we give our children opportunities to build resilience, practicing frustration, anger and all those big emotions. Getting through hard times with the loving guidance of a regulated adult and understanding that things are not always going to go as we might have wanted them to is an important part of the maturing process.

Kim John Payne shares a beautiful Compassionate Response meditation, a technique of rewiring of our own body language to show the young child that we are the calm waters that they can return to once their big feelings have subsided. It is a guided meditation that teaches parents how to have kind, loving eyes, a warm and stable presence, and how to not react to the soul fever in a way that adds fuel to the fire. If you are keen to have access to this meditation, please be in touch, I’d love to send you a copy of this.

Go well in your parenting life,

Traceylee

Kim Manunui

Hi, I’m Kim and I work with a great team to help individuals, as well as small and not so small businesses get their message, product and services to the world using digital media and creating wonderful websites that don’t cost the earth.

I was born in Canada, and grew up around Vancouver and the mountains of British Columbia. My love of pristine environments led me to New Zealand and eventually to the mountains, lakes and rivers of the central North Island which is home. My family’s heritage is here, and it’s from here that Korio traverses the planet.

The digital world is never static and neither are we.

And I say ‘we’ because I work with an awesome group of talented people who I gather together as required to complete a project. Whatever your business, not-for-profit or individual needs are we gather the best team to get the job done.

Collaboratively we are creative, share sustainable values and work hard for great outcomes because that’s the buzz of satisfaction that drives us.

If you have an audience and market to reach, we can make that happen. Creative design, words that work and smart behind the scenes stuff that cuts through the online noise. We’ll design your website and then build it. We’ll manage the content as well as all your hosting needs. We can handle your online advertising so you get noticed,
and we’ll manage your social media presence so you get the clicks, likes and engagement to grow your business. All within the budget you set, because none of this needs to cost the earth. And the job doesn’t stop when your website goes live. We are your virtual business partner.

https://www.korio.co.nz

A compassionate response

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